Note to self:

Next time you meet a girl you find very attractive, who appears to be attracted to you, that you seem to get on really well with, would like to get to know better and are very unlikely to ever randomly bump into again then make sure you at least ask her out or ask for her number or offer your number! Just bloody do something!!!

Coffee and weirdness.

Sitting in a coffee shop. Large latte and a little laptop. Something I've loved the concept of for ages. Sitting and writing in a place like this. Of course it isn't perfect though. The advertised internet connection seems to be absent, so this will be posted when I get home. A rather grumpy seeming man has sat next to me, ruining the ambiance. I'm still getting used to the tiny keyboard, how do people type on the 701? Plus probably most importantly I have no idea what to write about.


Weird fragments from the end of a dream. There's me, a friend and two girls. I can't remember the details, who the friend or girls were or why I felt how I did. I was sat in an armchair, my legs pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around my knees. I was shy, ashamed. Couldn't look at the girls, was turned away from them talking to the friend. Everyone was getting up to leave. Saying goodbye. There was a chance one of the girls was going to give me a hug as she left. Like always this kinda freaks me out, not good with contact but at the same time i long for it. I huddle there fearing and longing for her to come up behind me, bend down and give me a quick hug.

Then I can feel her behind me, close. You know when you can sense someone is close? Feel the presence of someone in the room. She is behind, above me. And the moment drags on. Something is weird. I open my eyes in the dark of my room. I can still feel someone there. I look up towards the foot of my bed and there she is. A woman is standing in my room looking down at me. I don't recognise her though she looks a little like an older version of Timea from work. Needless to say I'm rather disturbed by this. I want to call out, ask who the hell she is but I'm too freaked out. My eyes drift but she stays centered in my vision as if she was an afterimage caused by looking at a strong light source. She smiles, possibly winks but it's hard to tell as the image is distorting, stretching. Then is gone.

I try to go back to sleep. It's fairly early and I was up fairly late. But I can't keep my eyes closed. I keep looking around me to see if anyone is there. In the end I get up and turn the lights on. Great. That's all I need. Early morning hallucinations.


I should be getting a tiny bluetooth dongle off Jezz soon so I can modem this lappy up to my phone. Which is nice.

I have to wonder if any of my problems are not so much down to life experience and such but could be more hardwired. A chemical imbalance or something. Been feeling really bad lately but today is something else. Really hard to cope. Frankly feeling like this is damn scary too. Sure lots of the things I'm down about are based in reality but this is a step beyond. Fucking irrational despair, anxiety, fear. The fear that the feeling won't fucking end. Of course it will. I've felt like this before. I know that.

I feel a bit like this every now and then no matter how good things are going. Even when I was first going out with Jacqui and was all blissful and loved up I'd still feel this occasionally. I'd call it my time of the month. A few days of freaked out blackness for no damn reason. But it's alot easier to cope with when you are leading a good life with someone to help you through. Don't have that now so freaking out pretty big time.

I don't like talking about this shit anymore, too much damn whining, but typing this has calmed me down a bit. Now I just feel really fucking tired.

Good start to the day.

10:30 and already have 2 bottles of wine. If the day continues at this rate I should have 10 by the time I finish work :)

Stealing bandwidth.

One of Dylan's neighbours hasn't securied their wireless. Shocking

Phrase of the evening: Quadra-spazzed.

A collection of very brief reviews.

Sharpe's Fortress, Trafalgar and Prey
Not exactly deep stuff but entertaining enough. I can't say that "Sharpe on a boat" sounded particularly enticing but Trafalgar was surprisingly good.

Various books by Christopher Brookmyre
All very good. Have become a big fan of his work hence reading 5 of his books in the space of a few months.

Fallout 3
Excellent. Bloody Huge. Level too fast and/or level cap is too low.

Fable 2
Very good. Suffers due to it's size, too big. By the end of the game you feel you have seen it all so lacks the replayability factor of the first game.

Mirrors Edge
Very cool. Do badly, feel like king tard. Do well, feel like King Radical. Certainly not perfect but precious for doing something new.

Gears Of War 2
YEAH! WOO! BRING IT ON SUCKA! THIS IS MY KINDA SHIT!!!

CoD: World At War
Still undecided.

Left 4 Dead
Enjoy playing other peoples copies, don't buy it.

Saints Row 2
Where the fun cut from GTA4 ended up. As good as GTA4? A tougher question then you'd expect, which is in itself a big triumph for Volition.

Wall-E
Cute. Adorable. Great.

That'll do.

Test subject!

Test email post!

Introducing our hero.

He'd been banging his head against the problem all morning but thought he'd maybe, finally, at bloody last found the solution. The package he'd made kept falling over during the install and despite numerous little changes nothing seemed to fix it. Slight alteration; install; failure; uninstall; repeat ad nausea. He often quipped that IT work was 95% waiting watching little bars slowly cross screens but he only joked about it as otherwise the truth in the statement would make him cry.

Still, finally the solution was found! Well, hopefully found. He just had to wait for this little bar to make it's agonisingly slow passage across the screen again and he'd know if he could finally get out of this school and grab some much delayed lunch. In the meantime he may as well kill time by checking his feeds.

Turning to face the screen of the next PC a slight smile appeared ever so briefly. The welcoming sight of Google Reader sitting waiting to relieve his boredom vanished as the screensaver popped up. Internally cursing he made a quick grab for the mouse hoping to bring the screen back to life before it locked. However it was the screensaver that saved his life.

The screen turning black allowed him to clearly see the figure reflected upon it. The figure who had stealthily entered the room and was currently aiming a silenced pistol at the back of his head. As soon as the sight registers instinct takes over. He pushes hard against the desk causing his chair to tip over backwards. Feels the wind of a bullets passage against his face as it travels to where his head had been a fraction of a second before. The fall turns into a backwards roll as the chair crashes to the ground. His feet find purchase on the carpet but instead of standing he continues the roll then, with a thrust of his legs, launches himself backwards across the room at the assailant.

He feels the shock of compression in his neck as he collides head first with the unknown enemy's groin. He quickly rolls to the side and up to his feet as the attacker staggers backwards, hunches over and vomits copiously, gun dangling uselessly from one hand while the other clutches his battered manhood. Seizing the opportunity afford by his opponents temporary incapacitation our hero grabs the nearest weapon to hand, a Microsoft multimedia keyboard, pauses to pic the perfect moment then with a mighty swing bats the tenderized attacker right in the face. A spray of blood, teeth and keys fly through the air before the man falls down unconscious into the fresh pool of his own puke. Say what you like about Microsoft's various evils but they do build a sturdy peripheral.

The victor, takes a moment to catch his breath, then looks towards the computer as it beeps. Installation complete. “Well Davey” he says quietly to himself as he bends down to relieve the fallen man of his weapon and spare ammunition. “One problem solved.” He slides out the magazine, examines the number of shots and slides it back. “On to the next”. This time the grin stays on his face as David Benson, IT Technician and all-round problem-solver strides from the room.

Practice Nonsense

Writing in the car is awkward. First I have to clamber over to the passenger seat as the steering wheel gets in the way then once there I don't have enough room for my left elbow. Typing on the little keyboard will take a little getting used to. Mash the keypad for your dialing wand. I hate to imagine what it must be like typing in the Eee 700. Right, onto the nonsense.

Update: Just set up the wireless at home (thanks Kristof) now maybe I should see about setting up my phone as a modem :)

Gots me a new toy!

Thanks to Kristof I have me a nice shiny Eee PC 900 for 60squid.

900MHz Celeron CPU
1GB RAM
16GB SSD
8.9" 1024*600 LCD Screen

Neat!

Now I just need to get a Wireless AP as this cable ruins the comfy on bed posting feel. Will this new toy mean a personnal resurgence of nonsense blogging? Time will tell.

Look, it also has a 1.3 Mega Pixel camera!